


The Hubris Incident

by Zenparadox



Series: Hospital on a Hellmouth [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crossover, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-26 06:24:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zenparadox/pseuds/Zenparadox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Arizona's devastating wish, things are back to normal, until... the collective egos of the doctors at Grey Sloan Memorial attract a Hubris demon, which feeds on ego, Callie and Arizona must figure out who's been possessed by Hubris and who is just normal levels of full of themselves. A Sequel to A Demon, a Goddess, and a Muse: Arizona's Absurdly Disturbing Alternative. Knowledge of Buffy the Vampire Slayer helpful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Something Wicked

**Author's Note:**

> This is just some silliness. 5 chapters max. Enjoy.

Six months after the storm, as Callie worked on taking inventory of her department’s supplies, she was also taking inventory of her life. Her wife was adjusting nicely to her new routine of regular therapy and exercise. Arizona had also begun sharing a little bit more of herself with Callie. She was doing so well, in fact, that she was exhibiting a new confidence. She was becoming a little bit more like her old self every day, so much so, that Callie was thankful for that awful dream. It was Arizona’s dream that was ultimately the catalyst for her seeking therapy. On top of that, their daughter was well on her way to being completely potty trained. Yes, Callie Torres was happy. Life was good in the Robbins Torres household. 

She moved around the room holding a clipboard and periodically making notes, while unbeknownst to her, a waiting form lurked in the rear of the closet, where the shadows were darkest. Slowly, the figure started to inch forward, into the light... Suddenly, the door burst open and Alex Karev walked in. The figure retreated. 

Callie, startled by Alex’s sudden entrance, dropped her clipboard and grabbed at her heart, “God, Alex, I almost died for a second.”

Not really giving her a chance to recover, Alex immediately ripped into Callie, “You have to do something about your wife. She’s driving me crazy.”

Callie instantly replied, “Nope. I’m not falling into that trap. You’re an adult, deal with her yourself.” She bent over, picked up her clipboard, resumed her counting.

“Hey!” Alex shouted. “She’s become abusive. I thought therapy was supposed to help her?”

“What? What do you mean ‘abusive’?” Callie replied, looking around to make sure they are alone. “And  _ ixnay _ the  _ erapythay _ talk. You know how sensitive she is about that. It hurts her pride.”

“Right, sorry,” Alex apologized, but carried on anyway. “Look, it’s just… I used to have this special thing I did with the kids, to put them at ease when I’m about to do something painful, you know?” At Callie’s slight nod of acknowledgment, he continued, “I’d tell them to ‘count to three and make a wish,’ but now every time I do that, Robbins smacks me in the back of the head. It’s abusive.”

Callie stopped counting again, and rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. Man up, Alex. So, she has a thing about wishes now. Come up with a new catch phrase, or whatever.”

Alex and Callie stared at each other for a good thirty seconds before Alex eventually gave in, and looked away first. “I still say she’s bonkers.” He grumbles.

Callie, smiling at her small victory, retorted, “Yeah, well... I still say she’s cute. Get over yourself, and leave me alone so I can finish my inventory.”

Alex left and Callie resumed her task. The lurking figure began to move forward again. This time it was foiled when Callie’s pager buzzed. As Callie exited the supply closet, the figure moved completely into the light, revealing her wrinkled visage.

“This isn’t working! We have to try something else,” Anya, aka, Anyanka, the Patron Saint of Women Scorned, said.

She appeared to be talking to thin air, but a very translucent figure materialized beside her. 

The ghost of former plastic surgeon, Mark Sloan, replied, “Yeah, I’m not sure sneaking up on her is the best idea. We should try a more direct approach.”

“I can’t confront her in the open! If D’Hoffyn finds out I’m helping…,” Anya visibly shivered. “Well, let’s just say  _ he is very good at creatively punishing people _ , even vengeance demons.”

“And she literally can’t see me. I’m a  _ ghost _ , which is why I called you for help,” Mark’s specter sighed with frustration and threw his transparent hands up in the air.

“OH! I know!” Anya exclaimed. “You have to possess her. Quick. Go… jump inside her body.”

“No way! If I were to go anywhere near ‘inside’ of Callie…,” this time it was Mark who shivered. “Arizona would find a creative way to punish me. She’d probably find a way to resurrect me, just so she could kill me again. Not going to happen. Think of something else.”

“It has to be her,” Anya argued, “if you possess someone already infected with hubris, that person will die and your soul will be obliterated.”

“What makes you so sure Callie isn’t already possessed by Hubris? She’s pretty full of herself, sometimes,” he said. “One time, when the chief didn’t hire her as an attending, she walked out- telling him he would ‘rue the day’ and that she was a ‘superstar with a scalpel.’ She’s not without ego.”

“Ah, you see.” Anya said, confidently, “I did some research on Dr. Torres. Her middle name is Iphigenia. She’s under Artemis’ protection. Possessing demons wouldn’t go near her. But… Pretty much everyone else in this place is susceptible to his influence, especially the surgeons.”

The ghost of Mark sighed, resigned, “We’ll just have to find someone else. But I’m not possessing anyone less than a doctor. And absolutely no one from derm. I have standards.”

Anya rolled her eyes. “If the rest of the surgeons in this place are as egotistical as you, it’s no wonder a Hubris demon came here. He can hide in plain sight with all the arrogance flying around this place.”

The door to the supply room opened again and intern Heather Brooks walked in. Anya managed to normalize her face just in time.

“Oh, hello. Um, are you lost?” Brooks asked, smile firmly in place. 

“Yes, actually… I am,” Anya said. “I’m looking for a… replacement for my… thing, that, um Dr. Torres… said was maybe… in here.”

Mark’s ghost mocked the stuttering demon, “Real smooth. Are you always this clever?”

Mousy looked on expectantly, a giant grin on her face, while Mark talked over her in the background. 

“Why is she looking at you like that?” Mark asked, knowing Brooks couldn’t hear him. “What is wrong with her face? Why does she look so… goofy?”

Anya replied through gritted teeth, “Shut. Up.”

Mark replied, “Sorry.”

At the same time Brooks said, “Sorry.”

Anya turned and looked directly at Brooks, and said,  “Oh, not you. I was talking to… myself…,” She side-eyed Mark’s ghost, giving him a warning.

Heather Brooks laughed, “Oh, ok. Heh, it’s no problem. I talk to myself all the time. That’s why a bunch of the attending surgeons here think I’m a weirdo. That’s my nickname. Well, that and Mousy. Dr. Yang and Dr. Grey call me Mousy. I mean… everyone at this hospital is a little weird. I don’t know why I’ve been singled out as….”

“Ok, there is no way this person is possessed by Hubris, she would drive him insane. Get in her now,” Anya said, directed at Mark. 

But since Mousy couldn’t see Mark, she thought Anya was talking to her. “What? I don’t understand, what’s… Hubris? Get in who? What?”

“Her? Really? She’s only an intern.” Mark sighed. 

“Interns are doctors, right?”

“Yes,” Mousy answered.

“Barely,” Mark replied at the same time.

“Look, you can’t afford to be finicky about this. Just do it,” Anya growled. She was rapidly losing patience with his attitude.

“Will she know I’m there?” Mark finally acquiesced.

“Not if you don’t want her too,” Anya responded. “Just hurry and jump in there before she gets suspicious.”

“Ummm, do what? Suspicious of what?” Mousy asked. Her brows furrowed as she looked around.

“How do I do it?” Mark asked.

“You have to go in through her nose.” Anya answered.

“Ok…,” Mousy said, looking thoroughly confused, “this conversation is getting a little strange… I told you this hospital was...”

Before Heather could finish her sentence, Mark’s ghostly apparition dissipated into a freeform mist and slowly glided into her nose. Her body shook a bit, spun around a couple times, and then finally straightened up. She cleared her throat and….

Mark, now in Mousy’s body, laughed, “Oh, God! This feels so strange. I’m corporeal again!” He started touching things, as well as grabbing things off the shelf and smelling them. “Oh,” he groaned, “I can smell.” Then he reached up and touched his face, his hands sliding down…

“Don’t you dare touch her boobs, Perv,” Anya warned.

“Sorry,” Mousy Mark sheepishly replied.

“So that’s done. Now all you have to do is find Dr. Torres, convince her you’re Mark Sloan - back on a mini-break from the afterlife - recruit her to help you find the Hubris demon, and save Grey Sloan Memorial.” Anya looked at her watch, “And you have three hours to do it. Good luck with that.”

“Wait? Three hours? Why three hours?”

“It’s all the time you have to possess her, if you stay any longer it could cause permanent neurological damage. Just… use these three hours to convince Torres. I’ve told you everything you need to know to defeat a Hubris demon… have her do all the leg work. If you rule out Arizona, have her help, she’s familiar with the Hellmouth, so she should be easy to convince. I’m sorry,” she apologizes, “it’s the best I can do. I really need to go before I get into trouble.”

With that Anya disappeared, leaving Mark – in intern Mousy’s body - standing in the supply room. He looked around for a second, as if to make sure he was alone, and gently pulled the neck of his scrub top out to take a quick peek at the goods. 

  
  



	2. Old Friends

 

 

 

Callie arrived in the pit ready for some action. As she walked toward the charge nurse, the sights and sounds of a somewhat calm emergency room pervaded her senses.  A child with pitiful eyes sat, sniffling in his mother’s lap, as an intern tried to examine him.  A little further down, hands mottled with age marks, a woman struggled to pull the oxygen tube out of her nose. A couple of nurses fought to keep her steady, as they gently talked her down from her panic.

All in all, it was pretty quiet for the pit. “Hey, I was paged?” Callie tapped the desk, causing the charge nurse to look up.

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” the nurse responded. “There was a displaced femur fracture, but Dr. Kepner took it.” At Callie’s questioning look, she added, “she said it was a simple internal fixation, and a first year could do it, so we didn’t need to bother you.”

“Huh. Ok, well, you could have cancelled the page and saved me a trip.” Callie said.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Torres. I was updating these charts and didn’t even think about. I’ll do better next time.”

“Meh, it’s alright,” Callie waved off the apology. “I suppose I’ll go finish up my inventory. Tell, Kepner, ‘thanks’… I guess.”

Callie headed to elevators, not really feeling motivated to do the inventory anymore. Arizona had finally reached a point where she was comfortable, and confident enough to allow a little hospital friskiness back on the menu. Callie pulled out her phone and started typing. She chuckled a little to herself at her cheekiness. As soon as the text was sent, her pager suddenly started buzzing. Disappointment edged in as Callie pulls out her pager. She smiled, though, as she saw what was on the display:  **ortho on-call room, 911.** _ She beat me to it. It’s so nice being on the same wavelength again. _

***

Arriving at the ortho on-call room, Callie took a second before going in. She held her hand up in front of her mouth, exhaled and sniffed. She then pulled out her phone and held the screen in front of her, ran her hand through her hair, smiled at herself. Phone back in her pocket, she adjusted her cleavage and smoothed down her scrub top. Then, satisfied, she opened the door and stepped in.

“What’s a nice girl like you doing in aaahh…? Oh. My. God. Weirdo, what are you doing in here?”

“I’m the one that paged you,” Mark in Mousy’s body replied.

“Oh, um… Look, I’m flattered,” Callie stammered, “but I’m married, to a wonderful, wonderful - awesome even - woman. Who I love very much. So this…,” she gestured back and forth between them, “Is not going to happen.”

“I’m not here for sex…,” Mark Mousy explained. “I need your help.”

“Oh, good.Thank god,” Callie chuckled. Then, she added, “You know, I had my suspicions about you, but Arizona says my gaydar sucks... Anyway, I know a couple dermatology fellows... well,  _ Arizona _ knows them. But I might be able to get her to set you up with one? I think they’re both still single…”

“Torres! Stop. I don’t have much time,” Mousy grabbed Callie on both shoulders, stopping her mid-rant, and looked her directly in the eyes. “I’m just going to say this… It’s me… Mark.”

“What?” Callie exclaimed. “Is this a joke? Did Cristina put you up to this?”

“No, Cal, it’s me. I… I’ve missed you. And Sofia… Arizona too. You’ve got to listen to me,” Mark Mousy begged. “I need your help, the whole hospital needs your help.”

“Uh uh, nope. Stop. This isn’t funny. I don’t know whose idea this was, but you need to stop. Seriously,” she turned to leave.

“No! Don’t go. I… I can prove it. Please,” Mousy begged.

Callie stopped, but didn’t turn around or speak.

“Ok, ok, I got this… Um, remember that time that Lexie broke my….”

“That’s common knowledge, it’s, like, almost an urban legend around here. Proves nothing.”

“What about our 12 step program, for those sexed-up stalkers? Or, or Poundcaking? Remember Poundcaking? Vagina vote? Anything?”

“Ok, stop. Stop talking please. This… this is getting really weird,” Callie said. “One, Poundcaking is not a thing! And two, our 12 step program only had one step.” 

“Right. Step one: don’t sleep with interns. Callie, it’s me. I swear.”

Callie still looked unconvinced.

“Ok, I didn’t want to have to bring this up, but… remember that time I videotaped us? You had on that sexy flowered number? You made me delete it but I hid a disc in the….”

That got Callie’s attention. “Wait, there’s a disc of that? Where? I have to destroy it before Arizona gets wind of it.” She shook her head, “Wait, no, I don’t believe any of this. This is crazy. Mark is dead. My best friend is dead. This is cruel. Stop it.” Her eyes filled with tears.

“Cal, I know, I know. I miss you too. But this is really important. I need you to believe me, like you always believed in me. You always knew I could be more, Callie. We shared a child, you let me be a huge part of your life, even when it would have been easier on you if…,” he trailed off. 

“I… I don’t know…,” Callie shook her head, “I want to believe you.”

He smiled, “You always had faith in me, a faith that no one else did…  Just…,” He thought for a moment, then sighed, “I’m here with Anya’s help.” 

“Anya? Who…? Oh Anya?! What? How… how do you know about that? That was all a dream - Arizona’s dream. How?”

“It wasn’t a dream Callie, Anya is real. The Hellmouth is real, and it’s growing. Please, I only have a few hours. You have to believe me.”

Callie thought for a few minutes, contemplating everything, trying to make sense of it.

Finally, she looked into Mousy’s eyes and saw nothing but sincerity. “Mark? Is… Is it really you?”

“It really is. I really am.”

Callie started crying, her hand covered her mouth. She looked at her dead best friend, who was standing there, in the form of an intern, who’s name she couldn’t even remember, “Oh, Mark… Ugh, I missed you. You died, you weren’t supposed to die! Sofia, she…” 

“Oh, oh wow. I really want to cry right now, too. Oh my god are these hormones? I’m feeling so emotional and overwhelmed, I don’t know how to deal with this…,” Mousy Mark whimpered, her lip trembling.

“Hey, hey, look at me. You know what will make you feel better?”

“What?” she sniffed.

“If you shut up and hug me.”

***

Arizona had been sitting in her office all morning, going over scans. She was trying to come up with a plan for a two year old with a particularly tricky Chiari malformation. She rubbed her forehead at the headache forming just above the bridge of her nose, she sighed, and sat back in her chair. 

Her phone buzzed, indicating an incoming text. Her eyes roamed over the words and she blushed at her wife’s boldness. She quickly shut down her computer, put the scans away, and locked up her office. 

She stepped onto the elevator, coming into the middle of a conversation between Jackson Avery and intern Stephanie.

“So, then I made this skin graft that was so beautiful, God himself would have been impressed,” Jackson boasted.

Stephanie practically swooned, “I would love to see more of your skin…,” She took her index finger and ran it down the lapel of his lab coat. Then, as she noticed Arizona, she corrected, “Uh, I mean your skin  _ grafts _ .”

Arizona rolled her eyes. When the doors finally opened on the orthopedic floor, she invoked a silent ‘thank you’, and hastily exited the elevator. 

As she made her way down the hall, she couldn’t help thinking how great things had been the past six months. They weren’t perfect yet, but therapy was helping. She’d been able to expose herself to Dr. Wyatt in a way she never thought she could, but she still hadn’t allowed herself to be completely vulnerable with her wife. She wasn’t intentionally keeping things from her, but she found it difficult to lay herself bare in front of someone who could hurt her. She had experienced so many conflicting emotions since the crash. She wasn’t sure Callie was ready to hear all of it. So she still withheld a small part of herself; just a tiny bit. She held it in a tiny little box, which she wasn’t ready to open just yet. The ‘dream’ did make one thing clear, though. She couldn’t, and wouldn’t, live without her girls. Callie and Sofia were her world, and she was working very hard to find, and fix, herself. As a bonus, she was having a lot of fun letting Callie get to know this ‘new her’ too, she thought as she arrived at the door of the Ortho on-call room. She was eager to stop her impending headache before it had a chance to take hold.

Arizona turned the knob and peeked her head in, hoping to catch her wife unaware. She loved to gaze at her unsuspecting wife--a new habit she’d picked up since her ‘dream’--even though Callie thinks it’s creepy when she catches her. This time, however, it wasn’t just an unaware  _ Callie  _ that she saw.  I was an unaware Callie in the arms of another woman.

“OH. My. God.” Arizona said, as she came fully into the on-call room. “Is… Is this payback? You page me here for this? Are you… is this you running? You promised me you wouldn’t run. I thought we were doing better?”

“Arizona, no! This isn’t what it looks like! This isn’t Weirdo, it… it’s Mark.”

“Because I have been really trying, with the therapy…. Wait, what?” Arizona stammered.

“It’s Mark. Well his… ghost?” Callie looked at Mousy Mark for confirmation. At his/her nod, she continued, “He’s back from the dead, and in the weird intern’s body! Anya, you remember her, right? She sent him to help us.”

“Well, technically, I summoned her. She just gave me the skinny on the bad guy, and taught me how to possess bodies,” Mark corrected.

Callie and Mark looked at Arizona expectantly, both formulating arguments in their heads to counter her inevitable denial.

“I knew it!” Arizona shouted. “I knew it wasn’t a dream. I told you, Callie. I told you. I’m  _ not _ crazy. Yes!” She did a little victory dance and punctuated her ‘yes’ with a fist pump.

“Ok, I totally thought that was going to end different,” Callie laughed.

Initially Arizona was excited to realize that she wasn’t crazy. The ‘dream’ that had felt so real, was, in fact, real. Then, it slowly sunk in that her baby’s dead father, her… friend, was standing in front of her. “Mark Sloan!” Arizona angrily pointed at Mousy, “You died! You promised me you wouldn’t!” she burst into tears.

“Yeah, more like that,” Callie grabbed Arizona and pulled in for a hug.

“I’m sorry Robbins, I really am…,” Mark Mousy said. “My soul was willing, but my body….”

Arizona got her tears under control and looked at Mark in Mousy body up and down, “Um, speaking of bodies… What are you doing in Heather Brooks?”

“Oh, right! That’s her name!” Callie blurted out. She cringed a little at Arizona’s exasperated look.

“Callie, you have to start learning people’s names,” she gently chastised. She turned to Mark and said, “So? Care to explain how you ended up in Dr. Brooks’ body?”

“I picked a woman so I’d finally have a shot with you, Blondie. Or… maybe both of you at the same time.”

“Mark Sloan! Do I need to find a brick?” Arizona challenged. “I’d hate to smash poor Heather’s face because of your stupid mouth.”

“Jesus, Robbins. Did you lose your sarcasm detector along with your leg?” Mark retorted.

“No, but I did lose my patience. That was incredibly offensive, not to mention, bordering on a complete violation of poor Brooks,” Arizona came back just as quickly. 

“You’re the one who threatened to smash her face!” Mark said defensively, “It was just a joke. You know I would never…”

“I know Mark, you’re not  _ that _ bad. You  _ were _ an offensive pig sometimes, though, and apparently you still are.” 

“You missed me. Admit it,” Mark smiled.

Callie just stood there and grinned at the familiar sarcastic give and take.

“Never.” Arizona replied, the corner of her mouth quirked up, clearly feigning her dissent.

“So, Mark?” Callie asked. “Answers, please? Who, what, how?”

“Right. Do you guys remember about a week ago, we had that earthquake? It wasn’t big, just a few tremors?”

“Yeah, yeah I remember. Don’t you, Arizona?” 

“Oh, yes! We were having breakfast, and Sof’s eyes got so big,” Arizona said, smiling in remembrance. “She thought it was thunder...” she trailed off, seeing the look of longing on Mousy’s face. “Oh, Mark, I’m so sorry. Forget I mentioned… just tell us what happened.”

“No, it’s fine. I visit her in daycare, all the time.”

“Ok, that’s kind of disturbing, Mark,” Callie, said. 

”You’re haunting our daughter?” Arizona growled.

“What? No, I  _ visit _ . I don’t  _ haunt _ . She can’t see me. No one can. Come on guys, give me some credit.”

Arizona just crossed her arms and stared at him.

“Fine. I’ll stop. I have to move on soon anyway, it’s time.”

“Mark, no. You don’t have to go…” Callie implores.

“No, Callie, I do. My time is up. I’ve overstayed my welcome. I should have gone a year ago, Lexie is waiting for me.” He cleared his throat, “As soon as I see you guys through this, and I leave this body, I’m making my way to  _ the elevator _ .”

“Uh, Ok. What’s in the elevator?”

“The portal,” Mark said. “To beyond.”

“The ‘portal to beyond’ is on the elevator?” Arizona asked. 

“Yep,” Mark nodded.

“Huh,” Callie frowned, not sure she liked knowing that.

“Sorry to rush this little afterlife tutorial, but we need to hurry up. I only have a little bit of time left, and I have to bring you up to date on everything that’s been happening around here,” Mark urged, “then teach you everything you need to know to fix it. Plus, I kind of want to go visit my Sofiarita, while I still have a body. I want to touch her, and smell her.” He thought about how that sounded, then added, “In a non-creepy way.”

***

An hour later, having imparted all his borrowed-from-Anya wisdom, the three made a quick visit to the daycare. Utilizing Mousy’s body, Mark, hugged and kissed and smelled Sofia, telling her how much he loved and missed her. 

All three parents cried as Mark said goodbye to her daughter. After a heartfelt farewell to Callie and Arizona, Mark took Mousy’s body to a nearby on-call room. He laid her gently in the bed, thanked her for her help, and then exorcised himself from her body. When he left the room, she was sleeping soundly, no worse for wear.

He drifted through the halls of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital one last time. He visited on-call rooms, operating rooms, the attending lounge, the cafeteria, reliving memories in each space he roamed. Finally, he found himself in the lobby, standing in front of the elevator. Safe in the knowledge that Callie and Arizona could handle it from here, he stood and waited. In time, the elevator doors opened to reveal Lexie, in a beautiful wedding gown, waiting for him. “What took you so long?” She asked. Mark just smiled  as he stepped into the light.

  
  



	3. With Heavy Heart

 

Callie and Arizona walked down street, pushing Sofia in the stroller. They left the hospital a couple hours before their shift ended to get a head start on their evening of supernatural activities. Owning the hospital had its benefits. Arizona delegated to Karev, and Callie to Kepner, who kept trying to take all of her surgeries anyway.  

Callie was being unusually quiet, which had Arizona concerned. She kept sneaking looks, but decided against bringing it up, for now. After the silence lingered for a little too long, Arizona tried to fill it with small talk.

“Can you believe they had that cup thingy at hospital gift shop?” Arizona asked.

“Hmm,” Callie evasively responded.

“I mean, what are the odds that one of the things we need to get rid of this Hubris demon fellow, was already at our hospital?  _ It is _ a pretty awesome gift shop, but that’s just…wow,” Arizona said. She took another peek over at Callie, then continued, “I guess it’s just a replica of some ancient Greek pottery - until we do that spell, but it’s still cool that is was easy to find. I think it’s a sign that we’re going to successfully give this guy the boot from whoever he is in. Right? I mean, our luck usually isn’t that… Lucky.”

“Yep.”

“So…. Uh, who do you think he’s possessed?” Arizona asked, trying to coax Callie out of her brooding silence. “If he’s attracted to ego, I would say… probably Yang, right? Or Shepherd? They both hold pretty high opinions of themselves.”

Callie chuckled a bit, “We all do Arizona; it could be anyone.” She shrugged, then added, a bit grumpily, “could be you.”

“What?” Arizona blurted, astounded at Callie’s response. Unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, “Is something wrong? Are you mad at me?”

Callie sighed, rather exaggeratedly, “I don’t really want to talk about all this stuff, now…,” she pointed to the stroller, “in front of Sof. Let’s just get to the bookstore, get what we need, and go home.”

Not wanting to let this drop, Arizona carried on, “Is it Mark? Are you sad?” She reached for Callie’s arm, “Because, I’m kind of sad now, too.”

Callie pulled her arm away, “Arizona, stop. It’s not Mark… Just, stop. I … My head hurts and I just want to get this all over with. Ok? Can we just walk to the bookstore in silence?”

Arizona sighed, but let it drop.

xxxxxxxxx

Arizona watched Callie carefully as she got Sofia ready for bed. She was absolutely sure something was bothering her wife. Though Callie had not been outright angry, not since before the bookstore, ever since they said goodbye to Mark, she’d been quiet and withdrawn. Like she was overthinking something. And that was usually Arizona’s job.

Arizona sighed and pulled out the book they got that afternoon at the little indie bookstore next to the florist. She always thought the children’s section there was magical; little did she know the section in the backroom was  _ actually _ magical. Like wizards and witches type magic. Running her fingers over the title of the very old tome, she carefully started flipping through the pages, scrunching her nose up at the musty book smell. She located the section on the spell they need and wondered if she should go ahead and read it, or wait for Callie to finish up with Sofia.

“She is out,” Callie declared, startling Arizona out of her thoughts. “So…, what do we have to do?”

“Oh! Uh, I haven’t really looked yet, I thought we could read it together,” Arizona suggested. “I did, um, find the spell we need.” She pulled the blanket aside and timidly asked, “Sit with me?” 

Face softening at the tone of her wife’s voice, Callie replied, “Of course, Arizona, always.”

***

“So once we determine who is possessed with Hubris, we just, feed them the... I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we feed them the humble pie…. And that’s it? The demon is gone? Obliterated?” 

“That’s how I’m reading this, Arizona,” Callie replied. “Seems simple enough.” 

“Yeah, but now we have to channel our humility into this cup, so we can use it to make that frickin’ pie. That seems a bit… unnerving,” Arizona said as she swallowed hard, not looking forward to process. 

“Right, we all know how hard it is for you lay your  _ soul _ bare to someone,” Callie retorted sarcastically.

“Hey, that’s not fair. Don’t…,” Arizona started, feeling a bit offended. 

Callie sighed, “You’re right, I’m sorry. I just… this is all, so…  _ unreal _ .”

“Yeah, well… that doesn’t give you the right to be bitchy with me.” 

“You know what Arizona?” Callie angrily replied. “I think I do have the right to be bitchy with you, I do….”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Arizona interrupted.

“Nothing,” Callie sighed and conceded. “It means nothing. Forget it. Let’s just get with the spell prep, and get this over with.” 

Arizona squinted her eyes at Callie, suspicious of her sudden mood swing. Again, she decided to let it drop, she asked. “What if it doesn’t work? What if we can’t get the cup to glow?” 

“You can’t humble yourself in front of me to save a life. To save one of our friends?” Callie bristled again.

Arizona, quick to soothe her wife, “I can. I will. I’ll… I’ll try, I promise. I’m just afraid. Afraid we’ll do all of this, say all of this embarrassing stuff to each other, and it won’t even work.”

“I’m your wife Arizona, if we can’t show humility with each other…”

“No. We’ve got this. We can do it, _ I _ can do it.“

**

They gathered the supplies they needed. Callie helped Arizona to the floor. They placed the candles on the floor to form a casting circle around them. Arizona put the cheap knock-off of ancient Greek pottery in the center and placed a single cinnamon stick inside the cup. Callie lit the candles, then sat on the floor, within the circle, directly across from Arizona. She held out both hands, palm up for Arizona to take hold of.

“Are you sure it said cinnamon?” Arizona questioned, before they began. “Because this ‘humble pie’ is a meat pie right? Why would that have cinnamon in it?”

“Arizona, you love pastitsio. You get it every time we order Greek food. That has beef and cinnamon in it.”

“Oh, yeah. I do love that. Did I know that had cinnamon in it?” Arizona asked. Then, after a beat, “Do you think it would hurt for us to try some of this ‘humble pie’?”

“Honestly, I think we  _ all _ would benefit from some humble pie. Every single surgeon at Grey Sloan Memorial…,” Callie paused for a moment. “Maybe we should make two?”

Arizona plopped another cinnamon stick in the cup, just in case.

“Ready?” Callie asked.

“As I’ll ever be.”

With their hands once again clasped tight, and eyes closed, Callie started the ritual.

“We call upon Goddess Sophrosyne,  _ Mens sana in corpore sano. _ With soundness of mind we beseech you, we humble ourselves before you.” Callie recited the text memorized earlier.

Arizona cracked an eye open, “Now what?” she whispered.

Callie opened her eyes as well, and looked around. “Now we ‘lay ourselves bare’ before Sophrosyne, and she’ll… uh… channel all that into the cup, and imbue the cinnamon with our humility… Then we bake a pie. I think.”

“Ok… here goes…,” Arizona hesitated. “Ummm, you start.”

**

An hour later, they had shared countless humiliating stores. Some they knew and some they didn’t. Some made the other laugh until tears came to their eyes, some brought actual tears. They hadn’t shared little embarrassing bits of their history like this since they first started dating. Still, nothing happened.

Arizona pursed her lips and sighed, “As fun as this has been, I don’t think it’s working. The cup is supposed to glow, right?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Callie acknowledged.

“Maybe you forgot something.”

“Me? Why me?” Callie took offence, “Maybe  _ you _ forgot something.”

“I know  _ I _ didn’t,  _ you _ did the ritual. Besides you’re the one who has been distracted since this afternoon. What is wrong with you anyway?”

“Hah! You really want to go there Arizona? You want to open that can of worms?”

Arizona, a bit hesitant at Callie vehement response, answered, “Yes? I think… I think we should talk about what is bothering us Callie, we don’t want it to fester into something unfixable.”

“That’s rich, coming from you.”

“What? What is that supposed to mean?” Arizona demanded.

Callie gritted her teeth and responded, “All of this is real, Arizona. The magic, the hellmouth, the demons….”

“Yes. And…”

“YOU CHEATED ON ME!” Callie screamed. “It wasn’t just a dream, it was real. You cheated and yeah… maybe you regretted it and took it all back, but you still did it. And I can’t stop thinking about that.”

Arizona was shocked, stunned by Callie’s outburst. “No, Callie. No. I didn’t. None of that happened.”

“But it did. You cheated, you wished… it was crappy, and you unwished. It… it was all by luck, or by Anya being nice that she brought you back to before you… you…,” Callie burst into tears, “How could you? We have a child.”

“Callie, no. Please don’t do this. Don’t cry. I love you, you know that. You and Sofia are my whole world. I was… messed up Callie, so messed up. I couldn’t think straight, nothing in my head made sense back then. The therapy… that’s helped. And you! You’ve helped me,” Arizona pleads. “Lauren, uh,  _ Atё _ , she took advantage my turmoil and she used it against me. She deceived me. She manipulated me.”

“But  _ you _ still fucked her, I don’t care what she  _ said _ to you Arizona. You let her touch you… you touched her,” Callie said, her anger grew.

“I didn’t Callie. I didn’t, none of that actually happened. I made a different choice. I chose you.”

Callie scoffed, “You’re splitting hairs Arizona. The only reason you didn’t make that choice, is because you made that choice and didn’t like the consequences. You got your cake… I was your  _ second _ choice.”

“No…,” Arizona denied. 

“It used to be just a dream Arizona, I could deal with that… but, now… It’s real. It was all real, and I don’t know what to do with this… pain. It hurts! It hurts me.” She touched her chest, indicating pain in her heart.

“Oh, Calliope, I’m so, so sorry,” Arizona cried. “Please, please, listen to me. Just listen. I was vulnerable, because I was sad - I had pain too. Pain, which I wasn’t dealing with, pain, you didn’t see- pain, I didn’t let you see. And, and... I was blaming you, resenting you. And she came in and clouded my already messed-up brain. I was suffering Callie, and she used magic on me like drug. She dulled my pain. I couldn’t help myself, she was  _ evil _ Callie. I’m telling you, I promise you… I wouldn’t have made that choice if I hadn’t been under her influence. I swear to you. I swear. That’s not me, I’m not that person.”

“God, I know Arizona,” Callie sniffled, “I know…” she finally conceded. “That’s why this is all so hard. I’m trying not feel betrayed, because I know the circumstances, but I can’t help what I feel. I’m sorry.”

“Callie, I am SO sorry. I don’t know what to say… How do I fix this?”

Callie shook her head, not knowing how to respond. Arizona cried openly, her face begging Callie to tell her how to fix this.

“Tell me why,” Callie finally asks. “Tell me what she made you feel, that I didn’t.”

“Heard,” Arizona simply states. “She made me feel acknowledged. I… I felt like I was calling to you, but you didn’t hear me. I wanted so desperately for you to see that I wasn’t the same person as before. You, you kept telling me it was just a leg, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t just a leg to me.”

“So… the fact that I loved you so much, the fact that I didn’t see you differently, that, with or without your leg, you are still my wife, the woman I love and promised forever to, that I didn’t see you as less… that’s what lead you to... to… that?” 

“I felt like you wanted me to be something I wasn’t anymore. You wanted the old Arizona.”

“I just wanted you. Whoever you are,” Callie whispered. “I’m sorry you felt like you had to act a certain way. It wasn’t my intention. I didn’t want to stifle you Arizona. Or make you feel like you couldn’t talk to me. I love all of you, even the grumpy parts.”

“No, I know that now, Callie. I do. Therapy has helped me so much.” Arizona took a deep breath, “I saw  _ myself _ as less, and I resented that you could look at me and just see the same person. That it honestly didn’t bother you. It, it made me mad that you could so easily accept this. I lost a piece of myself and it felt like you didn’t care. It was business as usual for you, but to me, my whole world was different.” She sighed and continued, “I wasn’t thinking clearly, Callie. The thing I love about you the most, that big heart of yours- was loving me, when I wasn’t loving myself. My anger and self-loathing was causing me to misinterpret your acceptance, as something else. I was terrified you would run, and terrified you only stayed out of obligation. Now, I think… I think, maybe I was subconsciously giving you an out? If I broke my vows first, you wouldn’t be duty-bound to stay. I called it wrong. I was so wrong. Grrrr,” Arizona growled in frustration. “I’m not saying this right, Callie. Just know, that I was messed up. I was falling deeper and deeper into this pit of despair and I wanted you to catch me, but at the same time, I didn’t want you to know I was falling. I put you in a no-win situation, and I see that now.” She stopped and thought a moment, “Twice, actually. When I made you promise to save my leg, and then again when I actively hid my pain, but resented you for not seeing it. I’m so sorry.”

At that Arizona stopped and looked on expectantly at Callie. 

“I knew. I knew I would lose you, if you lost your leg. I… that’s why I tried so hard, you know? To convince you that it was just a leg? I wanted so desperately for you to stay with me and be ok, that I didn’t let you feel what you needed to feel.” She sighed, “I’m the one that should be sorry, Arizona. I’m sorry I didn’t let myself see you. I should have recognized and acknowledged your pain,” Callie chastised herself. “And… I shouldn’t have made that promise. As a doctor I know that. I know that. But as your wife, how could I not? Owen, God, he tried to get me to prepare you, but I couldn’t break your heart like that, I couldn’t be the one who…” Callie wiped at her tears “I’m sorry I failed you, as your wife and your doctor. I’m so sorry I wasn’t good enough fix it, to fix you. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”

“What? Of course I forgive you, of course I do! Callie, we were both victims, of awful, awful circumstances. It wasn’t your fault. My body failed me, not you. Not you.” Arizona then questioned, “Can you forgive me?”

“I… I do.”

Arizona lunged into Callie’s arms and took comfort from her wife’s strong embrace. They cried their hurt onto each other shoulders, releasing all the pain and anger and resentment.

“We know how to do this now, when we need help, we ask.” Burying her face in Callie’s hair, “We don’t wait, we don’t suffer hoping the other will notice. We don’t keep this stuff inside. We’re a team right?” She pulled back and looked her wife in the eyes.

Callie smiled, as Arizona brought her thumbs to her face and removed her tears, “Team Robbins-Torres. Me, you, and Sof.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too”

Back in Callie’s arms, Arizona rubbed her face on Callie’s shoulder. 

“Did you just wipe your snotty, I’ve-been-crying-nose on my shoulder?” Callie pulled away and asked her wife, eyebrow raising.

Arizona started to form a righteous denial, even though she did wipe her nose on Callie’s shoulder, when she noticed the cup with the cinnamon glowing.

“Hey! It worked!” She blurted out and pointed to the cup.

Callie smiled, “I guess we did it.”

“Team Robbins-Torres for the win!”

  
  



	4. Friend and Foe

 Striding confidently down the hall toward the boardroom, Callie and Arizona burst through the double doors, like they were bursting onto the scene in the opening credits of a television crime drama. They were on a mission, a very important mission. Countless lives, and possibly the _career_ , of one of their closest friends, could be at stake. Armed only with their wits, an iPad, and a pie… they must defeat the Hubris demon, and banish him from Grey Sloan Memorial.

“I feel like Cagney and Lacey, or Rizzoli and Isles… ohhh, Booth and Bones!” Arizona exclaimed.

“I totally have to be Bones, ‘cause of the name.”

“No, I wanted to be Bones, she’s really smart… and a she. Like me.”

“Arizona, if you haven’t noticed, I’m a ‘she’ too. You only sleep with ‘shes’… maybe we should stick with Rizzoli and Isles. I’ll be the hot one.”

“They are  _ both _ hot, but they aren’t sleeping together, which is really a shame. Missed opportunity, if you ask me.”

“Of course they are, I mean, I thought that was the premise of the show? They wake up, have breakfast together, solve a crime, then go home and sleep together. That’s what has happened in every episode I’ve seen.”

“I’m sure they aren’t _sleeping_ _together_ , Callie. They just occasionally sleep together.”

“Arizona, they cuddle more than we do. I think you missed an episode or something.”

“I googled it. They aren’t.”

Arriving at the boardroom, they exchanged a glance before heading through the door. They took their seats, and as Arizona reached for a donut, Callie grabbed her arm, leaned over and whispered in her ear. “I get to be bad cop.”

 

**

 

As Jackson droned on about budgetary issues, and Arizona and Derek occasionally put in their two cents worth, Callie let her eyes wander over her fellow owners, trying to suss out who could be possessed. Arizona thought it was probably Cristina, but Callie wasn’t so sure. Meredith has and underlying ego, and just because she wasn’t outwardly arrogant, didn’t mean she doesn’t feel, and act, superior. But Callie’s money was on Derek.

Cristina looked like she was in actual physical pain at every boring word that Jackson uttered, which brought a smile to Callie’s face. She chuckled to herself. Arizona noticed and sent a questioning glance back toward Callie. Callie shook it off, tilting her head in Jackson’s direction, indicating they should be paying attention. Which focused Callie’s condemning gaze on Jackson… The more she looked at him, the more he spoke, the more she watched his smug face, the more she considered him a prime suspect.

She pulled out her iPad and brought up the Demon Buster app, created by W. Rosenberg, which Anya, through Mark in Mousy’s body, told them about. Scrolling through the types and names of various demons. She found the section on Possessing Demons, then started scrolling through the subsets, finally finding Hubris.

A Hubris demon is a minor demon, not a top level priority for most professional demon hunters. They are attracted to places with high levels of ego, where they can feed, unnoticed, for quite some time, usually culminating in the possessed subject performing a fatal act of arrogance, causing the death or downfall of the subject and or others. They are easily exorcised with the help of a magical humble pie. Keeping the subject unaware of your suspicions is vital to a successful exorcism. If possible, the demon hunter should get a picture of the subject and run through the Demon Buster app, as it can  _ sometimes _ detect demonic presence.

After their much needed emotional release the night before, Callie and Arizona stayed up well into the morning, baking the pie and coming up with a plan of action. Which brought them here now, to the boardroom, where Arizona kept poking the distracted Callie in the arm. Finally getting Callie’s attention, Arizona cleared her throat and addressed the board.

“Callie and I thought it would be a good idea to make a, uh… hospital brochure, um kind of like a Grey Sloan yearbook. With, pictures and personality profiles of the staff.”

“Lame.” Cristina mutters.

“Rude much? It’s a great idea,” Callie said, glaring at Cristina, then back at Jackson. “It might help put patients at ease, if they feel they know us on a personal level.”

“No, you are right, Dr. Torres,” Jackson agreed. “A sense of familiarity will also make the patients less likely to sue, in the doubtful case one of us makes a mistake.”

“Both mine and Arizona’s schedules are clear today, so we’d like to, uh, get started on some preliminary interviews.”

“Sounds perfect, just tell me when and where you want me…” Jackson started.

“Cristina,” Arizona interrupted, with a bit too much glee, effectively ignoring Jackson. “I noticed on the surgical board coming in, you are free until this afternoon, why don’t we start with you?

Cristina looked back and forth between Callie and Arizona suspiciously, but finally acquiesced, “Fine, but Mere is doing hers at the same time.”

“What, Cristina? I have things…” Meredith started to protest.

“No you don’t, Kepner took your chole, and I know for a fact you just unlatched Bailey from your boob right before we came in here.” Cristina challenged, then added with a laugh, “By the way, it will  _ never _ get old saying that. Thank you for naming your kid that. I can’t wait until you start potty training and we get to talk about Bailey’s poop. ”

***

Having moved to the attendings lounge, Callie and Arizona were sitting opposite Meredith and Cristina. Arizona scribble on her clipboard as Callie is loomed over Meredith giving her the third degree, perhaps taking her self-designated role as ‘bad cop’ a bit too seriously.

“Being venerated by everyone is gratifying, isn’t it Meredith?” Callie prodded.

“I guess...”

“We all have fantasies where we're powerful and respected, where people pay attention to us.”

“Uh, sure... Maybe? Callie what is…?”

“Just answer the questions Grey. You don’t want to get her angry.” Arizona interrupted, with a smile and a wink at Callie.

“Angry? Why would she be…?” Meredith shook her head, confused. “I thought this was just a personality profile for a brochure? What do my fantasies have to do with anything?”

Callie stood abruptly, her chair sliding back, and crumpled her styrofoam coffee cup. “Sometimes the fantasy isn't enough, is it Meredith?” She accused the confused dusty blonde. “Sometimes,” she animatedly continued, “we have to make it so people don't ignore us... make them pay attention. You know what I'm talking about, don't you?” She leaned in, giving Meredith her best Bailey stare.

“Uh… You want me to pay attention?” Meredith had no idea what Callie was talking about.

“I don’t know what’s happening here… but I like it.” Cristina said, a smile adorning her face.

“Ok, that’s enough Callie. Sit down, let me try,” Arizona said, putting a restraining hand on Callie.

Arizona cleared her throat, "Do you ever feel that you've created a false persona for yourself, the ‘girl who does everything right', and how much of a strain does it put on you to maintain it?"

“Yeah, Mere? How much strain?” Cristina chuckled.

“Shut it, Yang, you’re next.” Callie broke in, pointing menacingly at Cristina.

“I rarely do anything right. So, moderate strain, I guess.”

“She has mommy issues, remember?” Cristina interjected. “She represses everything in a deep, dark, twisted place.”

“Do you enjoy being at the center of events in which other people are directly involved?” Arizona continued her questioning.

“Um, do you mean, do I always make other people’s issues about me? How is all this relevant to…”

“I’ve totally seen you do that, Mere.”

“Cristina! Whose side are you on?” Meredith said.

“I’m your person. I am on your side. Because you are Meredith and I’m Cristina.”

“There are no sides!” Arizona yelled. “This is just a simple interview. No sides.”

“Ok, I’m calling bullsh…crap on no one ever thinking you two are a couple. You practically professed your love just now Cristina.” Callie added.

“Do you spend a lot of time thinking about me and Meredith, Callie?”

“What?” Callie blurted.

“It a valid question,” came Cristina’s retort.

“Oh, yes, Arizona and I lie awake in bed at night discussing the intricacies of the Yang/Grey relationship. Our ship name for you is Yay.”

“Maybe if you spent more time discussing your own relationship…”

“Hey! We’re the ones asking the questions, Dr. Yang. Zip it.” Arizona said, effectively putting a stop to Callie and Cristina’s back and forth.

 

***

 

Arizona continued to ask more strange personality profile type questions, finally concluding with “Do you ever feel so superior that you feel above ‘insert Deity name here’?” 

“Arizona…” Callie whispered. “I think you were supposed to ascertain her god preference before you asked that question. And then actually use that god’s name.” Callie sighed and poined to the clipboard. “Not what you just did.”

“Ok, stop,” Cristina held up her hand. “What the hell is going on? Don’t give me the brochure crap, I’m not stupid, like Jackson. Spill.”

“I…” Arizona stammered, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

As Callie and Arizona stuttered and denied, and try to cover- Anya teleported in behind them, which resulted in Meredith and Cristina jumping from their chairs. 

“You guys are the worst interrogators I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been around for over a thousand years!” Anya exclaimed. “Hubris will bring this hospital to its knees before you rule out these two. Use the stupid app, which stupid Willow wrote, and get this over with.”

“Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that woman just appear out of nowhere?” Cristina questioned.

“Uh, well, uh... sort of.” Callie stammered even more.

“Yep. Demons are real. A lot of them are attracted to Seattle- because this hospital sits on a baby Hellmouth-a supernatural hot-spot, so to speak,” Anya deadpanned, “It’s why bad stuff happens here. Arizona will fill you in.” She gestured toward the stunned blonde.

“I know it's hard to accept at first, but…” Arizona started.

“Actually, it explains a  _ lot _ .” Meredith replied, as if she’s had an epiphany.

  
  
  



	5. Hospital Hijinks

 

Having used the app to rule out both Cristina and Meredith, and then bringing them up to date on the Hubris crisis. Callie gloated, with a smug smile at her wife. “That’s laundry and lunches for the rest of this week.”

“Oh, no. You only win if it’s Shepherd.” Arizona shot back.

“What? Derek isn’t possessed. He’s just naturally egotistical. With good reason, he’s amazing.”

“Yes, yes, we know. You are all gods in your fields,” Anya butted in. “You’d think there weren’t any other hospitals or surgeons out there. God, I hate Hellmouth towns.”

“What are you doing here, anyway? I thought Mark said you couldn’t show your face because of that DeHoffman dude?” Callie asked.

“It’s D’Hoffryn, and he’s distracted. I may have anonymously accused Atё of violating her probation, causing him to launch an official inquiry. They’ll be tied up for days. Besides, you should thank me for making time in my busy life to come in here and get in the way of yours. _ " _

“Wait, Mark?” Meredith asked.

“Right… he was here yesterday, in Mousy’s body. He’s the one that first noticed the Hubris demon. Apparently, when we had that earthquake last week, it released something from the Hellmouth in the basement…” Callie explained.

“And because he was still here  _ haunting _ our daughter,” Arizona picked up without missing a beat. “He was able to witness it.”

“Exactly,” Anya concurred. “I wanted him to possess you,” she pointed to Callie. “But,” her gaze shifting to Arizona, “he said you would strongly object to him being ‘inside’ of her. Whatever that means.” 

“You are damned right I would,” Arizona agreed. “Aw, I guess he finally learned, in death, to keep his paws off my woman.”

“He says to tell you ‘his paws are  _ not _ touching her right now,’” Anya said.

“What? He’s still here? I thought he got on the elevator?” Callie looked around the room. “He made a big deal about it, we cried and stuff.”

“Turns out, the doors open both ways.” Anya answered. “ _ If _ you have a connection both places. He’s still torn, between both planes.”

“So he’s like, just standing here?” Cristina asked. “Are there other dead people hanging about.”

“Mark says ‘sometimes for fun, he haunts Karev with Denny’ but to answer your question, there are no other ghosts here right now, except him.” Anya pointed to an empty chair next to Cristina, which caused her to get up and move to the other side of the room.

“No offense, Sloan.” Cristina said.

“What about Lexie?” Meredith asked.

Suddenly, Arizona’s body began to shake, she looked to Callie confused, her eyes begging for help. Callie started toward her wife, but Arizona’s body stilled and her eyes clouded over.  After a moment, she straightened up and said. “She’s happy there, Meredith, she won’t come back, it’s painful. Being here. It hurts to see… life. Life go on without you. She said to tell you she loves you, though.”

Meredith swallowed the lump in her throat, “Tell her… I miss…”

Arizona’s body started shaking again, this time more violently, she looks as though she was retching, “Oh, my god. Get out.” Her whole body shuddered. “He was in me. Gross. Mark Sloan, was in me. That was the most disturbing thing that has ever happened to me… and some pretty awful crap has happened to me lately.”

“It’s the only way he can communicate. Actually, it’s kind of amazing that you were aware of it enough to eject him.” Anya said. “He’s really sorry. He said, you won’t let him near Callie, he’s afraid of Yang, and he needed to talk to Meredith, so you were his only choice.”

“No, no… actually, it’s ok.” Arizona replied. “Um, it’s ok, Mark. I understand.”

Arizona pulled Callie aside, as Anya showed Meredith and Cristina Hubris on the Demon Buster app.

“Hey, can we talk later?” Arizona asked.

“Of course! What’s up, did Mark do something more inappropriate than possess you?”

Arizona shuddered again, “No, it’s… fine. But…”

“So… What now?” Meredith interrupted Arizona mid thought.

“Later,” she whispered to Callie, and then turned their attention back to the group.

“Simple. You start ruling other people out,” Anya replied. “Then, make your guilty party eat the pie.”

“Oh, why didn’t you tell me there was food involved?”

“It’s humble pie, Yang. You think you can handle eating a little humble pie?”

“Maybe,” Cristina said. “What’s it made of?”

“Various organ meats, some cinnamon, and… our humility.” Arizona replied, pointing between her and Callie.

“Ew, never mind, let's save it for the victim.” Cristina gagged. “I don’t want a pie filled with your lesbian drama.”

***

“So, Grey,” Callie said. “Get your husband in here, we have some pie for him to eat.”

“It’s not Derek, I’m sure,” Meredith insisted. “Trust me on this one.”

“I don’t know Mere, he can be pretty into himself,” Cristina said. “I mean, how much time did he spend on his hair this morning?”

“I promised him I wouldn’t show anyone this, but…” Meredith pulled out her phone and showed everyone a picture of Derek, from earlier that morning, in a tutu, princess crown, and a face full of bright pink make-up, having tea with Zola. “Would someone possessed with Hubris do this?”

“Yeah, I think he’s in the clear” Anya declared. 

“In your face, Callie,” Arizona exclaimed. “Neither of us won.”

While Arizona gloated, and everyone’s attention is on her and Callie, Cristina discreetly took the phone from Meredith, and quietly text herself the picture of Derek. 

“You all should split up, go about your day like normal. Use some finesse, have patience,  _ subtly _ interrogate. Not that thing you were doing earlier.” Anya pointed accusingly at Callie.

“I was being ‘bad cop’!” Callie shouted, defending herself.

“More like ‘bad-at-her-job cop’,” Cristina chuckled, agreeing with Anya.

Anya beamed at Cristina, “I like you. You bring much needed sarcasm.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying for years.”

“All right, Yang, enough bonding with the  _ vengeance demon _ ,” Arizona said. “We should probably get out there, right? Start sleuthing? Get on with our day?” she asked, looking around. “Meredith you go talk Bailey and Webber, I’ll take Karev. Callie and Cristina… Mm, how about Avery and anyone else we may be forgetting?”

“What about Owen?” Callie asked Cristina.

“My gut is telling me it’s not him. He hasn’t really had any confidence since the plane crash. But we’ll get to him.” 

As they all start to file out of the attendings lounge, Anya stopped them, “Remember, a Hubris demon isn’t outwardly dangerous, unless cornered. I’ll be at the coffee cart, if you need me, but try to handle this yourselves.” She sighed. “That new barista is horrendous with my money.” 

“Wait,” Arizona tentatively said. “I have a question about the coffee cart… It’s not evil now, is it? A scone is not going to kill us, or send us to an alternate universe or anything, right?”

“No, it’s just my cover. It wouldn’t be very a discreet cover if it caused evil stuff to happen, now would it?” Anya replied. “That pharmacy over on 5 th , however?  Stay clear of that place.” 

Callie, being the last one out, shut off the light and closed the door behind them.

“They forgot about me,” Mark’s ghost said to the empty room. He scoffed, walking straight through the wall, “The living.”

***

Arizona headed off toward peds, and Meredith departed to find Webber and Bailey, leaving Cristina and Callie idly walking down the hall.

“You pretty sure it’s not Owen?” Callie asked.

“Yeah, I don’t think so. He’s been kind of down lately. He’s having a hard time with me trying to find him a new wife.” 

“So, you guys are over for good this time? No take backs?”

“Well, he wants a rugrat and I don’t,” Cristina replied. “It’s that simple. There is no compromise, you know?”

“Maybe you’ll change your mind?” Callie said. “Or he will. Arizona and I worked that out.”

“Yeah. You ‘worked that out.’ Right,” Cristina taunted.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Callie questions.

“It means, Arizona didn’t really have a choice, did she? If she wanted you, she had to take your Sloan spawn.” Cristina shrugged.

“What? Arizona agreed to have kids. And she  _ loves _ Sofia.”

“And I’m not saying she doesn’t love Sofia. Sofia is a perfectly fine ankle biter. I’m just saying, you never had to test that theory. She was all ‘of course I’ll have your babies’ when it was some future possible event, which you may or may not decide to do, but, you got knocked-up, effectively taking away her choice.”

“That’s not… that’s not true.” Callie denied, but her brows furrowed in thought.

“It’s not Richard.” Meredith walked up and interrupted. He face burning red.  “Definitely not Richard,” she winced.

“How do you know?” Cristina asked.

“I just walked in on him with Dr. Avery in an on-call room, and let’s just say… he was in an awfully  _ submissive _ position.” Meredith shuddered. “Cristina, I need you to gouge my eyes out.”

“Oh my god! Richard and Jackson?” Callie exclaimed.

“Oh. Lord no.  _ Catherine _ Avery… Richard and Catherine Avery, not Jackson.” Meredith closed her eyes and sighed. “And now I need brain bleach too. Thanks for  _ that _ image, Callie.”

“What are we talking about?” Jackson chose that moment to walk up to the group.

“Your mom.” Cristina supplied. “And Richard… doing it, in an on-call room.”

“ _ Way to go _ , Richard. She is  _ hot _ for an older unit.” Jackson grinned.

“Ummm… ew. What is  _ wrong _ with you, Jackson?” Callie asked.

“Oh, sorry! It’s me… Mark.” Jackson’s body answers. “Jackson, is not possessed. Well, except by me. I found him crying in the men’s room. I think his mom yelled at him earlier. By the way, you guys just left me back there. It hurt my phantom feelings.”

“Suck it up, Mark.” Callie punched Jackson in the chest. She then said, “We are quickly running out of suspects…. Who’s left?”

“Alex, Bailey, and… I can’t think of anyone else…”

“Wait, Arizona is alone with Alex…” Callie said with a hint of fear. “Mark… Jackson… Mark, whoever you are. You’re with me.” And she took off toward the elevators, Jackson trailing behind, leaving Meredith and Cristina together.

“We should find Bailey,” Meredith finally said.

“Or… we could get lunch.” Cristina suggested. “It’s probably evil spawn anyway.”

Meredith agreed and they headed off toward the cafeteria. 

***

Callie rushed off the elevator, down the hall, and through the double doors to the pediatric ward, her heart practically beating out of her chest. She ran to the nurses’ station and repeatedly banged her hands down on the counter to get the attention of the nurses.

“Where is Dr. Robbins?” she demanded.

“She went looking for Dr. Karev, toward the patient rooms in the north hall, I believe,” the nurse replied. “But that was a little while ago…” she yelled after Callie and Jackson’s retreating forms.

Callie frantically made her way down the hall, finally finding her wife leaning against the doorframe to the playroom, giant smile on her face.

“Arizona!” Callie gasped, out of breath. “Are you ok?”

“Of course,” Arizona looked over, brow furrowing. “Why wouldn’t I be? Jackson.” She nodded hello to her wife’s companion.

“Because…” Callie responded, still breathing heavy. “Because, Alex is the one possessed with Hubris. Wow… I’m out of shape.”

“You are not out of shape, you are perfect,” Arizona replied. “And it’s not Alex… Look. He’s tweaking,” She pointed into the playroom where Alex and intern Jo are dancing for the kids. “I don’t think someone possessed with Hubris, would be tweaking for sick kids.”

“How many times do I have to tell you it’s ‘twerking’, Arizona? But, you are right,” She pointed toward Alex, “that’s embarrassing.”

Arizona leaned in and asked Callie in a whisper, “How did you rule out Jackson?”

“Oh, that’s Mark… He found Jackson weeping in the men’s room. So, not him.”

“So… if it’s not Alex or Jackson…” Arizona said.

“And Meredith ruled out Webber… don’t ask. Please,” Callie added with a grimace.

“That just leaves… Bailey,” Mark deduced.

“Bailey,” Callie said.

“Yep. It’s Bailey,” Arizona agreed.

***

Meredith and Cristina were casually wandering down the hall in the direction of the cafeteria, pondering everything they learned today. 

“Can you believe all this?” Cristina asked.

“Actually, I can.” Meredith replied. “You were right, when you left for Minnesota. It  _ is _ this hospital. This place is jinxed. It actually sits on a  _ mouth to hell _ , that’s not normal.”

“I’m always right, Meredith. You should know that by now But, you know what?” Cristina waved her hand to dismiss Meredith’s concerns. “Normal is overrated.”

“Cristina?” Meredith stopped walking, and pointed down the hall toward the vending area where April Kepner was frantically eating a bunch of snacks from the machines.

“Hey Virgin Mary?” Cristina yelled. “What are you doing?”

“Fueling this body, so I can get back into surgery. I have a really complicated pancreaticoduodenectomy in half an hour, and I’m hungry,” the redhead replied.

“Wait…  _ You _ are doing a Whipple?”

“Oh, yeah. Uh… Dr. Webber gave it to me. Said he was, um, busy. So… I’m going to… go.” April walked off, her arms full of food.

“Shouldn’t we, I don’t know, ask her something? She could be the one possessed.”

“Kepner? No way.”

“You never know, Cristina.” Meredith said with a shrug.

“Ok, if you insist,” Cristina caved. “Hey, Kepner? Are you planning on killing a bunch of people with your overconfidence?”

April turned around slowly and looked at them, eyes wide. A twizzler hanging from her mouth.

Cristina grinned and added, “It’s for the hospital brochure.”

April gaped at them, they stared at her, both frozen for a brief moment.  Suddenly, April dropped all of her snacks, bolted down the hall, and around the corner.

Meredith and Cristina look at each other, their eyes widening with surprise.

They tood off down the hall, hot on the trail of a hubris filled April Kepner.

***

  
  
  
  


Callie, Arizona, and Mark in Jackson’s body, stood outside of Bailey’s genome lab, watching her work through the window. Arizona was holding the humble pie as they were sure it was Bailey that was possessed.

“You go first.” 

“No way, you go first.”

“You are both sissies.  _ I’ll _ go first.”

“You are already dead. You aren’t risking anything.” Callie rebuked Mark, offended by his bravado.

“He’s risking  _ Jackson _ , Callie.” Arizona, scolded.

“Oh yeah, sorry Jackson.” Callie rubbed his shoulder affectionately. 

The three of them stood there arguing long enough for Bailey to look up from her computer and notice them through the window.

“What the…?” Bailey muttered, getting up and walking toward the door.

She opened the door and stood there watching them argue back and forth until they all stopped, noticing her at the same time.

“Dr. Bailey.” Arizona said, putting on her best dimpled smile.

“Dr. Robbins, Dr. Torres, Dr. Avery, can I help you with something?” she questioned.

“We… were… wondering,” Callie swallowed nervously. “We were, um, wondering if you were hungry. It’s almost lunchtime.” She pointed to the pie in Arizona’s hands. “We made this for you.”

“I am kind of hungry,” Bailey grinned and reached for the delicious looking savory pie in Arizona’s removing it from her grasp. “Thank you, this looks good.”

Callie and Jackson stood there nervously fidgeting, watching every move Bailey made. When, out of nowhere, April Kepner came running down the hall and right passed them, almost knocking Arizona off balance. 

“What the hell?” Bailey asked.

Before anyone could form an answer, Meredith and Cristina came running down the hallway after Kepner. Both are yelling. “It’s her, it’s her.” 

“April’s the one, grab her.”

Callie and Jackson take off after April, who was being chased by Meredith and Cristina, leaving a stunned Bailey and Arizona behind.

Arizona cleared her throat, smiled at Bailey, and took the pie back, “Sorry, I’m going to need that.” After a pause, she added, “Board business.” Then followed in the direction of the others.

“Dammit. I was going to eat that.” Bailey said. She shook her head and went back into her lab.

***

“Ok, this is getting ridiculous. Where could they have gone?” Arizona pondered aloud as she moved down the corridor in the direction the others fled.

“Stairwell, headed toward the basement.” Anya replied, as she popped in next to Arizona, who almost dropped the pie in shock. “Sorry. I forget that you people aren’t used to teleportation.”

“Well, here, you take them the pie… I’m too slow. I can’t run with this leg. And the steps…” Arizona tried to give the pie to Anya.

“Nope. This is on you, I’ve been too much of an active participant already.  _ You _ can do this,” Anya encouraged. “You may not be as fast as the others, but they didn’t even remember to  _ bring _ the pie. Everyone’s role is different, doesn’t mean you aren’t needed.”

Arizona gave Anya grateful smile, and headed off toward the elevator.

***

Hubris ran. He ran for his very existence. He ran as fast as this body would take him. Bounding down the stairs, taking them two at a time. The pathetic humans hot on his heels. They’ll never catch him in time, though. He’ll make it to the Hellmouth, and fling this ginger bag of bones right into the gaping hole. He finally reached the bottom of the stairwell, he burst through the doors to the basement, and right into the fist of a waiting Arizona Robbins. He dropped to the floor unconscious.

“Ow, ow, ow… oh that hurts,” Arizona shook her hand. Cristina and Meredith are the next to come through the door, out of breath and bent over. 

“Oh my god, what happened?” Meredith managed over heaving breaths.

“I punched her, right in the face.” Arizona responded as Jackson, then Callie came through the door, also out of breath.

“Arizona! You did it!” Callie exclaimed. She took the grinning Arizona in her arms.

“I did, didn’t I?” Arizona said. “But, I think I broke my hand.”

Callie lifted Arizona’s hand and gently kissed it. “I’ll make it all better. I promi… I mean. I’ll get you some x-rays and we’ll see what’s going on with it,” she teasingly corrected. 

Arizona smiled at Callie, understanding her hesitance, and happy they could finally make a little light about Callie’s broken promise.

April started groaning and moving, finally coming to from Arizona’s decisive punch.

“The pie is over there, Yang, why don’t feed some to April before she’s fully aware.”

“Yeah, let’s finish this,” Mark said. “Jackson’s body really has to pee and I don’t want to be here for that.”

After they had forced fed Kepner the humble pie, she passed out again. They left her sleeping it off in an on-call room, Cristina promised to check-in on her. Mark once again said his goodbyes and left Jackson asleep in the same on call room as Kepner. Just because he was a ghost, didn’t mean he couldn’t meddle.

Anya appeared and congratulated them all on their first successful demon hunt, then begged-off, saying she had some business with a wish in Chehalis, and was gone in a flash.

***

Later that night, back at apt. 502, Arizona once again sat on the couch waiting for her wife to get their daughter to bed. This time, she had an ice pack on her hand, the films were negative for fractures, but Callie wanted her to ice it for pain and swelling anyway.

Callie finished up with Sofia and came to join her on the couch.

“So, today was…” Arizona started, but Callie interrupted.

“Amazing. You, were the hero today. You saved April and countless others with that Marine daddy punch of yours. It was really hot.” Callie grinned, lifting an eyebrow. She leaned in for a kiss.

Arizona put her uninjured hand up to stop her, and blurted. “I want to adopt Sofia. Officially.” 

At Callie’s surprised look, she rambled, “And, and I know she’s my baby. And you know she’s my baby, but Mark is gone now, and I’ve been thinking I needed to respect his memory, and honestly I wasn’t sure what you were thinking… but, but… when he was inside me… he knows… he doesn’t see me as any different… because I’m not, I’m her momma and I want it to be legal, once and for all.” 

Callie still sat there stunned, so Arizona continued, “Also, we are changing her name, her last name. To Robbins-Torres, because we are going to have a legal wedding ceremony and we are taking each other’s last names. We are  _ all _ going to be Team Robbins-Torres. No arguments.” She concluded with a nervous, yet expectant look on her face.

The smile that broke out on Callie’s face was all the answer she needed. She once again jumped into her wife’s arms and buried her head in her hair. Callie pulled back and kissed her passionately, looking into her eyes. “I’ll call our lawyer first thing…”

“Now,” Arizona interrupted. “Call her now.”

Callie happily picked up her phone, “Done.”

 

The End.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
